It’s no secret that we have been struggling with William. It seems like the last few weeks, months, years…it’s been one thing after the other.
Recently, he robbed me of my first ever mom break when he got himself kicked out of camp. I won’t go into the details but I will say that it was dumb and all his fault. It wasn’t just a break for me. It was a chance to breathe. It was a chance to reassess. It was a chance to reclaim my sanity. Or try, anyway. 😉 But, it wasn’t meant to be and Lizzie and Antwan headed to camp just as William was heading home.
And, I resented his presence. I hate to say that and I hate even more that it was true. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could be a bounce back mom. But, I was just mad. It’s times like this that I know that I’m failing at my goal of being like my mom. She never made me feel anything but wanted, despite the fact that I’m sure that I wore her out at times. Granted, I never got myself kicked out of camp, ha, but still.
Anyway, when Antwan and Lizzie came home, Antwan, who clearly had been thinking about it, was ready for me. He took the first opportunity to lecture me. He told me that we should let go of the past. He said we should forgive and forget. He said that if I stayed mad at William that one day when he was grown up, he wouldn’t come visit. (Antwan blows me away, by the way.)
I tried to take his advice. Even though, I wasn’t ready to completely forgive and forget, I did try to soften. I was successful, too. I know because way too often when I let my guard down, William decides it’s safe to come after me. So, he did.
I soon found myself sitting on my recliner as William stood at the front of the hallway, refusing to go to bed. He was determined to speak his mind. Since speaking his mind didn’t include a lot of behavior owning, I wasn’t keen on it. He also was choosing to do this on the only night that Brian works. So, as I watched my Emily time slip away, I felt powerless and frustrated. I alternated between trying to ignore him so he would go and taking the bait and arguing back.
Then he referenced Antwan.
It was clear quickly that Antwan had also been lecturing his older brother when William said “Antwan said we should let go of the past!” He added “If an 11 year old can do that, why can’t a 27 year old?”
That hung in the air for a moment as I processed the fact that my 15 year old son had just called me 27. Then he said “I mean a 29 year old.”
Wait, what? I was really confused about whether he was confused or whether he was making an oddly timed joke. Sadly, I was too stubborn to make eye contact and figure it out. In hindsight, I really missed the opportunity to end the argument in sitcom style. 😉
Eventually, he went to bed, right before Brian got home, of course.
Things haven’t really gotten any better since then. There’s been a couple other issues since then. We’re actually dealing with something pretty bad right now. But, I’m trying to cling to the fact that my troubled son who knows darn well that I’m not 29 was willing to lie about my age (just like I do!) in the middle of a fight. Apparently, that’s the line he won’t cross, haha.
That’s something, right?
So, I guess we’ll just keep on keeping on. Because that’s really the only choice. Maybe next time he will tell me how thin I am! 😉
|We can also still rock the selfie. 🙂|